waste and hope

whew. i know i haven't blogged in a while but i've been busy! just finished reading 2 kings after starting in 1 samuel. and man, it's heartbreaking. king after king after king. failure after failure after failure. turning away from God time and again.

here's one thing that really stuck out to me today. as the babylonians were taking away the objects from the temple of God, the objects that were made with so much love and effort, i felt loss. i thought, "what a waste." these things that solomon put so much work into. these objects that adorned the Lord's temple and showed how amazing He was. simply knocked down and carried off to be used as trophies. i felt an attachment. there was a history to those pieces of the temple. and i can't help but think that this was a little bit of how God felt. pain and loss. after all the work put into His people to bless them and guide them, they ended up leaving Him and destroying themselves. only to be exiled. He loved His people. He wanted to bless them. all they had to do was keep themselves from idols. time and again He showed how faithful He was to them. only to have them adopt pagan gods.

it's like a bad relationship. you give and give and give only to have the other person cheat on you. and the other person keeps on coming back but continues to cheat again and again. you'd think that He would have given up on them. but no. He still chased after them. there's hope at the end of 2 kings. david's bloodline continues on. God had something planned.

you'd think that He would give up on us. but He didn't. He loved us. He was jealous for us. He chased after us. so much so that He sent His son to live on this earth and die a horrifying death so that we could be saved from His wrath and justice. it's amazing. but we still turn our backs on Him from time to time.

you'd think that He would give up on us! but He doesn't. He loves us. He's jealous for us. He chases after us. Jesus's blood covers everything that would disqualify us from being in relationship with God! His sacrifice washed all of that away! there is reason to rejoice! my God loves me beyond all understanding. there is hope in the name of Jesus! even after all of my wandering and turning away from God, Jesus's blood makes me white as snow and whole again! God is so good! people need to know this story. this love story is too good to pass up! =]

preferences

late friday night. saturday night. sunday night. monday afternoon. again and again, God's been confirming something and letting me know what's on His heart. sacrifice, sacrifice, sacrifice. not just of finances, but of my life. sacrifice of my preferences, my desires, my comfort. confirmed through a couple of people i know and then confirmed at rock harbor, i can't deny that this is something that God wants me to invest in.

it's a call to die to myself. i'm comfortable. like, really comfortable now. i enjoy who i hang out with. a lot. we share, we laugh, we bond and it's amazing. God's truly blessed it. but the scary thing about it, i fear that i'm hogging it to myself. and other people are left wanting. when i hang out, who do i always turn to and run to because i know that i'll have a good time? God's challenging me to step out of that. when i hang out, who do i need to ask so that they feel at home? who do i want to hang out with because i want to show them that i truly care about them. when i want to chill, who do i want to showcase God's love to??

when we do this, when we put aside our preferences and what we would like, we open the door to showcase Christ's love to the people in our lives. we let them know that even though we may not prefer eating at this certain place or do this certain thing, we're there not for ourselves. we're there for them. genuinely and truly just there for them. and that speaks volumes. to let them know that they don't have to do anything, they don't have to impress us, entertain us to earn our love and affection. we want to let them know that they are unconditionally loved just because. and they'll ask, "who does this??" and again, we answer, "Jesus." =]

rebuke and growth

i thank God for a girlfriend who can call me out. and not in a, "i'm better than you, do what i say," whiplash sound, kind of way haha. i know that i'm not the best person at receiving constructive criticism let alone rebuke from my girlfriend so you can imagine how defensive i got and how much i justified my actions. i was sitting in the car for a while before i acknowledged anything she said! i know, it's terrible! but i really appreciate how she approached the situation and how she prayed about it beforehand. it made it a lot easier for me to accept the rebuke and pray over it. God broke down my heart and let me know that these were things that I needed to hear to make me a better man and a better leader.

i know i don't say it enough but i'm really proud of thuy and how she's grown over the past couple of years. i'm so blessed to have her in my life. she keeps me in check and she's learning how to do so full of love so that we don't get into arguments over things that we shouldn't! i praise for a relationship that is grounded and rooted in Him. i just keep praying that i can love her the same way Christ loves the church. the way He gave Himself for the church, i want to give myself away for thuy. He's the reason why i want to humble myself for her, why i don't get as t.o.'d when certain things happen, why i'm patient the way i am. and the same for her to me! i honestly don't think that we really could have gotten this far if it wasn't for God teaching how to die to ourselves and love each other the way we do. =]

satisfaction and contentment

this past sunday night we were talking about contentment at rock harbor. paul was sharing with the philippians how he was thankful and gave praise to God that they finally remembered and sent him money and supported him after 10 years of traveling. he wasn't angry or sad or sarcastic when he thanked them. he was genuinely thankful because his circumstance did not dictate his joy. he shared that he's been filled and he's been empty, wealthy and poor, and he had found the secret to being content in all things. his joy, his life, his heart was found not in people or this world, but simply in God. and that was enough for him.

it brings me back to psalm 23, one of my favorite verses. "the Lord is my shepherd, i shall not want." it's not saying that because God is my shepherd, i shouldn't want. it's not saying that because God is watching out for me, i should respond by trying not to want anything. it's simply saying that because my God loves me, takes care of me, watches over me, showers blessings on me (may not always be the ones that i necessarily feel are blessings =]), gives me hope, gives me belonging, gives me identity, i am content. i am not in need of anymore. because of my salvation, i have everything i need. everything else, all the little details, or big details, are secondary to that first thing. if i have Jesus, i'm set for not just life, but for eternity. what a profound statement, right??

and i know i've talked about this before but i feel like it's slowly creeping back into my mind that i don't have enough. i don't have enough respect. i don't have enough love. i don't have enough money. i don't have a good enough phone. i don't have a good enough car. i don't, i don't, i don't. but the thing is, i forget that i have everything i need in Jesus. if i lost everything, family, home, friends, i would still be set because i have Him. not saying that it wouldn't be painful that those things could be taken away. but my joy is something that is stronger than circumstance. that's what paul was trying to get at. no matter what the circumstance, rich or poor, peace or hostility, resting or weary, he had contentment, he had joy because God was with Him. my God is with me. and i don't need anything else. i shall not want. that's part of the good news that we want to share with people! a lot of us are so caught up in working for something more to find ourselves ultimately dissatisfied. and we keep digging and digging and working and working only to find that everything we invest in fades away in the end. without God, there is no contentment. we never satisfy ourselves. the world never satisfies.

only He can satisfy! contentment is knowing God! sometimes, it's just hard to explain. the peace and the calm in my heart that comes from knowing that He loves and saves. our God is good and worthy to be praised. i want people to be satisfied finally after searching for so long. He was here all along. He's still here waiting for us to find our satisfaction in Him.

worship

got to talk to a friend about God last night. there's something about talking about God that fills you with joy, you know? and sometimes, the only response after talking about how amazing, good, sacrificial, loving, merciful, gracious, giving, awesome He is simply worship. =]

the biggest thing about our talk last night was just about how the law brings awareness to sin. without the law, the moral code, we wouldn't really have a tangible standard we can measure our goodness by. something we can look at and see how close we are to being as holy as God is. the kicker is when we actually start looking at how we really compare to God and His holiness, we're way, way off. like, lightyears off. so off that the Bible even compares all of our good deeds as dirty rags, or to be graphic and illustrate the point dirty tampons, compared to God's glory and holiness!

i mean, we look at the ten commandments itself and we start failing at number one and it doesn't get much prettier after that! and it starts hitting us. if this is the standard that we have to live by to be saved, we're in a lot of trouble. i mean, this really sucks. how is anybody supposed to keep this up?? how is anybody able to really uphold this moral code, day in and day out, perfectly, without falter?? we're doomed, right? there's no possible way we can be saved now! it's over! done with! it's impossible!

enter Jesus. enter the perfect man. enter the sinless man. enter the saving God. into our sin, He broke out of heaven and crashed down into this weary place. in a desperate and hurting world, He began to live the perfect life so that one day, this life would then be put to death on a cross for our sake. spit on, rejected, beaten to a pulp, mutilated, humiliated, to take the punishment for our sins. where we couldn't uphold the law and were condemned to spend eternity separated from God, Jesus came in and sacrificed Himself so that we could be made righteous and blameless before the Holy God. this is the Gospel. this is the good news. we're not condemned anymore. we're not confined to our sin and our shameful condition. we're not bound down by the law but released by the blood of Jesus Christ. sin is no longer our burden because He's lifted it off of us with His scarred hands. thank goodness for Jesus. =]

i believe in Jesus and i follow Him not just because He loves me, not just because He gives me joy and peace, but ultimately because He saves me. He gives me salvation. He lets me in on eternity with God even though i've really done nothing to deserve it. even though i've failed miserably, He saved me. this shows that He loves me. this shows that He's merciful and full of grace. and because of my salvation, joy and peace are the fruits. i'm gentle and i'm kindhearted, i'm patient and faithful because He's saved me. this is my worship. the natural response to this kind of love is simply worship. =]

evidence and love

thank God for friendships that are stronger than pride and ego. i got in an argument with a friend last night. totally uncalled for on my part. it didn't need to turn out like that. when it was over i felt empty, like we didn't even get anywhere and our relationship was a little bit shaken because of it. it's not like either of us budged from where we stood before. we just became more entrenched in the view that we held so strongly. and the only thing that changed was the tension in the room, the heaviness of our hearts, and the burden on our shoulders, at least for mine anyway!

but thank God for something deeper than that. where other people would ignore it, move on, sweep it under the rug, we apologized to each other. thank goodness for a love that is bigger than ourselves. thank goodness that we have the Holy Spirit dwelling in us, transforming us, showing our hearts the right way to go. i'm so glad that we apologized to each other and we both humbled ourselves. we know that our relationship is more important than the argument. in itself, this situation, our relationship, glorifies God and showcases Jesus. =]

i've been reading a lot of apologetics lately. like, a lot haha. and i thought about something, about how atheists would tell me that i can't trust christian writing because it's biased. that makes total sense! that's a valid argument. but i have to propose to them as well how they can trust atheistic writing or agnostic writing because that in itself is biased and starts from a different point! we start from the God's word and they start from man's word! same thing with the history of the world. pre-believers will suggest that our world is millions of years old due to the sedimentary rock layers, it just makes sense! right? well, that's if you start from that point! if you start from the Bible, if you believe that there was a flood, it makes total sense that there would be those sedimentary rock layers there! (http://www.answersingenesis.org/articles/nab2/how-old-is-the-earth) (http://www.alwaysbeready.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=122&Itemid=105) keep in mind again that these are christian sources! the very sources that our atheistic friends say we shouldn't trust!!

it all depends on where you want to start! as a christian, i want to start from the Bible, because the world makes sense to me from there! as atheists, our friends will want to start from brilliant and out-of-the-box thinkers and that's fine! but as for us as christians, i want us to have solid ground to stand on when we explain to our friends why we believe what we believe! even if they don't understand sometimes, agree completely, or trust our sources (because it doesn't support what they believe and are entrenched in)! i want us to be sure that there is support for why we believe. we have good reasons, logically speaking, even if it doesn't match up with what they say! you don't have to be intellectually challenged to be a christian.

here's the point. no matter how much evidence and reasoning we provide for our faith, our atheist friends will want to refute it no matter how logical the argument may seem! because they're already sure of what they want to believe in and they'll find any way to have it line up with their belief system. we're the same way when they present things to us! therefore, evidence never really changes anyone's mind! we or they just try to come up with more research and reasons to support what we or they believe the next time we meet!

here's the kicker, we were never asked to bring people to God through evidence!! we bring people to God by showing God's love for them! by showcasing His patience, mercy, grace, and love in our selves to our friends. we overflow and overwhelm them in love that is illogical, stupid, out of this world, and purely nonsensical! that's how we win people over. not through war, blood, and the sword, but by the laying down of our own lives, our prides, and our statuses. and they're won over. God enters their brokenness, their hurt, their pain, their scars, their fear, through all the walls that they've built up around themselves. they let Him into their heart and surrender. they then start from the Bible. they then start from where God has come into their lives. the world makes more sense. much more than before. and i want them to have support for what they now believe. i want them to see the clues of God all throughout history. i want them to see how God has been waiting for them this entire time. =]

age

i always get really sad when i see older folks. i was hanging out at thuy's house with her family last night and saw her grandparents. her grandma recently had a stroke and so the muscles in her face have been on the fritz. so she has one side of her face lifted up and the other side drooping down. she said that it happened instantly. that when she was eating a week ago and the rice started falling out of her mouth. she went into the restroom to see what was up and she saw her face in the state it is now. now if it was me, i would freak out. i wouldn't have any idea what was wrong. i would feel so helpless. not knowing what was going on with me. i would feel self-conscious. i would feel so scared.

and i thought to myself we're all going to be there someday. 60 years, 70 years down the line. i wondered to myself, would i be that old man who reminisced on these days. the days of my youth? the days of my passion? the days when the world was ready to be taken over? would i regret my life and what i spent doing with it? i get scared that one day i would go to sleep with this face i'm typing with now and wake up one morning to find gray hair and wrinkles. i would wake up to a body that's falling apart, suffering from arthritis, a weak back and knees. it made me really sad. it made me scared. i don't want to grow old. sometimes, i think i'm going to be young forever. flash, and i'm 30. flash again, i'm 50. flash, i'm on my deathbed.

we all get old. we all get weaker. we all age. we all fade. eventually, we leave this place.

but then i think about it again. and i have hope. that these weak bodies bound by gravity and oxygen aren't the end for us. as christians, we have a hope beyond these bodies. thank God there's more to look forward to beyond this life! this life is so short! there just isn't enough time!

isn't enough time to tell people about the hope of Jesus Christ! there isn't enough time to let people in on the master plan of the redemption of mankind! there isn't enough time to let people know that they are loved and longed for! that becomes my hope as well.

i don't want to be a complacent old man. i don't want to be that man who is sad and reminisces about his youth. i want to be filled with passion 70 years from now. i want to be filled with passion and a heart for the lost. i want to be filled with the Spirit still and let people know that they are loved. i will still have a purpose for living. i still want to be saving people for Jesus. my work is never done here on this earth. until Jesus comes back, my purpose in this life is to love as many people as i can, to tell them about Jesus, and to teach them how to do the same. =]