update

well. let's catch up.

i stopped working with kids with disabilities. i started doing wedding videography shooting and editing with a friend's company part time. i was asked to join the rockharbor worship academy and got through the interviews. was given amazing chances to be able to go through these doors. had my heart broken in beautiful ways by God in learning to be firm in my identity in Him. i've been humbled in worship leading. i've been reaffirmed in my calling as a worship leader. i got engaged. i'm applying at starbucks. and starting to raise money for our mission trip this summer.

i guess that's the truncated version of it all haha.

but i am so glad for all the growth from this past year. if i look back to the man i was a year ago today, i wouldn't recognize him. it would be a man who was prideful, lost, entitled, obsessed with recognition and approval, selfish, etc. and i guess not that i'm completely different now, i'm a little bit less those things now. =]

a really big theme for me this year has been trust. with work, with relationships, with future, with everything. my life is kind of in the air right now. i have no solid plans over 5 months out. i have no idea where God is going to take me. but that's something that i've chosen and surrendered to. that God knows what He's doing and He's going to protect me as He's developing my heart to trust in Him. 

i had a meeting with a mentor the other day and we were talking about how even though i'm waiting for God's timing with everything, it doesn't mean that i should sit around doing nothing either. i shouldn't be brooding and waiting for God to put things on my lap. i need to work hard in the meantime. put in the work in developing my relationship with Him, developing my relationship with my fiancee, developing my relationships with my family and friends, and simply put in the work of making money in the meantime. i've made a commitment to start a family and i need to step up to that challenge. i need to surrender to God and let Him mold me into the man that i need to be for my future wife and kids. and that's not just going to happen by me sitting around on my hands. i need to get off my keister and engage in my life for lessons to be taught and to stick.

another big thing these past couple months has been learning to really let God love me. simply love me. so that i don't have to look to people for approval and care so much about what other people think. so that i don't need to depend on their criticism or praise. my joy comes from knowing that God is well pleased with me and delights in me. for the first time in my life, i've been experiencing "freedom." i've never felt that before in my life as a christian. i was always so worried about what other people thought of what i was wearing or how i was acting. but my life isn't based around other people's perceptions of me any longer. the simple question is now, "is God pleased with me?" and the answer is always yes because of the work of Jesus Christ on the cross. and that leads me into the freedom from sin in my journey as well! learning that as much as i mess up, there is no guilt or condemnation in Jesus Christ. what!! i've been a christian for most of my life and i can't believe that i'm learning this or at least understanding this now! no matter what i do, i'm forgiven because of Jesus. and i shouldn't even revel in my guilt or shame because Jesus died to set me free from that. if i am wallowing in those thoughts, it's definitely the devil telling me lies because Jesus would never tell me to continue to feel guilty. He made that very clear through His sacrifice!

there's so many more things but i just needed to update this so my kids don't feel like they're missing on a big chunk of their dad's life when they read this haha. God is good. so good. and even though i'm not out of the desert yet, and the night surrounds me. i'm in the shadow of His wing and i wouldn't be anywhere else. He protects me and guides me. He is always with me. and i will continue to lift up His praises all the days of my life until we meet face to face.