Monday, December 22, 2008

something more

i'm tired of living for myself. how far can my self take me? my self is flawed, selfish, greedy, egotistical, materialistic, self-absorbed. my self is all about me, me, me. and i'm honestly kind of sick of it. to satisfy myself, i never really satisfy. i always want something more. something more exciting, more fun, more satisfying. i don't want to care about my self anymore. it's never really gotten me anywhere but to a place of more want. once i achieve something, i want something else. i want what i can't have. it's scary to think that our culture preys on that. buy this food processor you don't need and a bike you won't ever ride. pop culture tells us to not be happy with what we already have. we could have something newer, something better. that dingy old computer you have, go and get a new one. throw that old one away, it's not good enough for you. and we completely overlook the fact that we're in the top 8% of people in the entire world who own computers. it's amazing, really. why can't we just be satisfied with what we already have? why can't we be content? maybe it's built in. something in our hearts that desires more. but we've been filling it up with the wrong things. things that don't last. things that will fade in time. i want something that will last. i'm tired of spending money on "temporary" things. i want something that will last forever. maybe money can't buy us that. i've found myself growing this past year. and i don't want to go back to that ignorant teenager i was back in high school. i want to keep growing in knowledge and in faith. i find myself wanting to give money away. i'm tired of buying things for my self. i'd rather give it away to make someone else happy. but then i realize that happiness will be wilted away in our culture. someone will say that my gift is not good enough or something better will come along and it will be thrown aside. again, i'm brought back to filling others up with the wrong thing. i want to give love. i want to give neverending, all-encompassing, everlasting love. but i don't have that, remember? but i do have something. i have love that has been given to me. love that lasts forever. the love of the One who died for me. that loved me so much that He would sacriifice Himself for me. even though i am not deserving, selfish, egotistical, self-absorbed. even though i don't appreciate. He still gave His life for me. it breaks my heart that i would forget that amazing but simple truth. JESUS DIED FOR ME. He looked past my flaws and my failures and said, "I love you so much." nothing can ever take that away. and that satisfies me. but i won't stop there. no. not even close. i'm not going to let my selfishness hold me in one place and keep this love for myself. i want to give it away to as many people as i can reach. i want people to know that they are loved. even though they've failed, cheated, lied, hurt. they are loved. we take this fact for granted. we forget and we do things that totally disregard that fact. and yet He still forgives us. every single time. i'm tired of being a complacent, sheltered, safe christian. above all else i want to be a Christ follower. a man who truly loves and follow God and God only. not the ways of the world. i'm tired of living an orange county life. i can't do it. i'm sick of all the commercials, advertisements, celebrities, clothes, shopping. i want to live in a place where people need me. where they aren't soaked up in the tv and computer screens. and then i realize that they need me much as those in the impoverished countries do. they're lost in a sea of clutteredness. whereas those in africa or vietnam or found in a sea of desolation. i want to do what i can here and do what i can there. it's a daunting task. but i'd give up my life for it. i'm tired of thinking in my mind, "if Jesus came into my life right now and told me to leave everything, would i really do it?" i want to think, "if Jesus came into my life right now, i would run as fast as i could after Him." to drop everything and go. i think it's a scary question for anyone who follows God. would you really up and leave your job or school to live for Jesus. many of us would hesitate. i don't want to hesitate. if He called me. i want to bolt right after Him and fall in His arms. i want to get people to that point somehow. and i find myself getting frustrated. why can't they see where i'm coming from? why can't they live their lives for God truly even though they say they do? why aren't their hearts broken but also rejoiced when they see that cross and the sacrifice that was made for them? and i realize. it's not up to me. i can't do anything in my own power. i can't change their hearts. only He can. all i can do is try my best and leave the rest up to God. and one day. we can all rise up as one and say, "This is our God."

Monday, December 1, 2008

You got me when I was an unformed youth, God, and taught me everything I know. Now I'm telling the world your wonders; I'll keep at it until I'm old and gray. God, don't walk off and leave me until I get out the news of your strong right arm to this world, news of your power to the world yet to come, your famous and righteous ways, O God. God, you've done it all! Who is quite like you? You, who made me stare trouble in the face, turn me around; now let me look life in the face. I've been to the bottom; bring me up, streaming with honors; turn to me, be tender to me, and I'll take up the lute and thank you to the tune of your faithfulness, God. I'll make music for you on a harp, holy One of Israel. When I open up in song to you, I let out lungsful of praise, my rescued life a song. All day long I'm chanting about you and your righteous ways, while those who tried to do me in slink off looking ashamed.

Psalm 71:17-24

Tuesday, November 18, 2008


Those who accepted his message were baptized, and about three thousand were added to their number that day. They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.

Acts 2:42-47

listen to the math

rekindle your heart
these hospital machines
are state of the art

shower us in light

i love music
i love listening to it
i love making it
i love recording it
layering layering layering
more sounds
more strings here and here
haunting reverb on this piano to accent the vocals
i want some claps and snaps right over there
make that bridge climb with a building pulsing low end
i want this to be big
i want this to be complex and filled with textures and colors
but then
i love the simplicity of a raw guitar and an aching voice sung over an aging tape recorder
hastily put together, a snapshot in time
with the sound of the street roaring in the back or friends sitting and talking about ()
crying and still yearning for the womb, it's put down
scribbled on napkins, ink on new skin
and we all celebrate the birth
of our anthem

Saturday, November 15, 2008

let the lamps shine

Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.

1 Timothy 4:12 (NIV)

Monday, October 6, 2008

i want to share it with the world

driving down goldenwest and i'm blasting hillsong
desert song comes on
oh man...
just what i needed
i know i'm filled to be emptied again
nothing lasts forever in this place
He gives and He takes
and i will still bring praise
lately my heart has been going through some wild fluctuations
it's been in the dumps, deprived, and depressed
and it's also been soaring
i want it to soar more often
i've had moments lately where my heart just wants to burst from my chest
something inside me that i just can't hold in
i think it's joy
joy in friends
joy in family
joy in the hope that everything will be ok
joy that no weapon formed against me shall remain
joy that i'm a soldier that fights in an army with a million other voices that cry the same battle cry
joy that i'm not alone
joy that He will provide
overabundant, overwhelming, overflowing

Tuesday, September 9, 2008


i'm not the person that i was a couple of months ago.
i don't like that. i've been caught up with some things and i've been neglecting others.
i need to re-center myself. where does my allegiance lie?
who is first in my life?
God, be the center of my life
let me fix my eyes on you and never let go
be my foundation and my strength
let me be still, know that you are God
help me to stop struggling and let go
let me be the child that finally gives up and welcomes you to rescue me
help me to stop taking things into my own hands
because i can only do so much
hold me in your arms and comfort me
i need you

Saturday, September 6, 2008

she plays it so good, better than i could

Brighten - Early Love EP

"everything you do makes it easy to fall in love with you"
this is such a feel good album
it feels like a sunny day in the park
with a cool summer breeze caressing your cheek
eating an ice cream cone while walking under the trees as the rays break through
being bombarded by memories of childhood
of innocence and better times
your worries melt away as you sit back let the lyrics just flow into your ears
brighten up
it's a new day

Wednesday, September 3, 2008


it was really sunny
i was at school
and i saw her rollerblading
she had a big smile on her face
i was wearing a white shirt
she rolled on over
the cafeteria was serving burritos with tortilla chips
the wrapper was the color purple

it's an ancient russian proverb, i doubt it's one that you've heard

Tokyo Police Club - Elephant Shell
Tokyo Police Club - Lesson In Crime EP

i'm really digging that raw sound they have
the bass is just driving with a twinge of distortion and lots of high end
i love the nonchalant vocals that he sings and screams
the delay pedal loves you, overdriven high notes
the guitar adds an aggressive but subtle atmosphere to the entire song
the synths here and there totally add to the songs as a whole

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

it's like butta

Portugal. The Man - Waiter: "You Vultures!"
Gatsby's American Dream - Self Titled
A Tribe Called Quest - The Low End Theory
City And Colour - Bring Me Your Love
M.I.A. - Arular
Ratatat - Classics

a world of music out there
can't get enough of it

Tuesday, August 12, 2008


no i am not angry
i am not mad
i am not depressed
i am not weighed down by dread
i do not feel doomed to a life of poor pale egg shell white walls
my canvas is splattered with bright exuberant flavors
random but complementing
chaotic but tranquil
these flavors, these colors, these people
they move me
they rock my soul
down to its very foundation
through them i see
i just hope that through me they see
that there are brighter more exuberant more exquisite strokes of magnificence
than those poor pale egg shell white walls
i want others to see my canvas
i want to see their canvases overflowing with color
colors even i could have never imagined
colors that signify

Sunday, August 10, 2008


i screamed
i screamed and i yelled
til my lungs gave out
my heart was on fire
anger was pouring out of my mouth
and drenching the ground
i couldn't see straight
everything was spinning
all i know is
i finally


Friday, August 8, 2008

drama should stay on channel 52

i don't want it
i don't want anything to do it
why can't we all just get along?
is it really so hard?
can we just look past ourselves and first impressions?
can we give people second chances?
chances to redeem themselves
even then, can we learn to forgive?
i've been called to forgive
i'd be a flaming hypocrite if i didn't

i got my paycheck today
703 dollars in the bank baby
what to spend it on....

will came into work today

going to have lunch soon
then it's off to friday night
we'll see how it goes...

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

pretty cool


couple of days..

arnold was banning college admissions for a party
everyone was pissed
there was a construction field
there was a square hole in the ground
we almost fell in
we drove in a bulldozer
the man ran really fast
i couldn't run as fast as him

Friday, July 25, 2008

9 in the afternoon

i stepped into an elevator where the people inside didn't want to let me in
we pressed the button for the floor
the elevator shot up into the sky
we swung around several times holding on for dear life
and in the end it takes us back to the first floor where we started
there was a medieval theme park
i thought this was the door that led to the restroom
but instead it was a band room with all these instruments
there were three men inside
playing music and laughing
there was a staircase
but i didn't go up
i went back outside
there was a big dining table
i helped clean up
but when i went to throw away the napkins
i missed

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

one deep breath

i'd like to go a little bit slower
slow my life down
i want to be able to stop and smell the cliches
i want to sit by the beach surrounded by cliffs
i want to be away from it all for a bit
i want to settle down with the bible and just read
i want to be filled
i want to take some pictures
i want to catch the fleeting moments of life with a flick of my finger
i want to contemplate with no distractions
i get lost in myself sometimes
i get lost in other people sometimes
i want to get lost in something greater than i could ever imagine
i want to get lost in Him
i think that's when i'm really found

Thursday, July 17, 2008

albi the racist dragon

ter up, jimmy!

let's give it up for the good sir zack de la rocha
oh my gosh
i'm really digging the new sound
one day as a lion

i want to see it...

Tuesday, July 8, 2008


i won't leave you
hanging. out
side of my self, i've found comfort

i've realized this times before
and i've never jotted this down
and countless times i've forgotten
we don't need to drive somewhere to laugh and chill with friends
for a long time i was under the impression that we needed an atmosphere
a place
a restaurant
a room
but i think it can be as simple as
just standing in the middle of a driveway
feeling the cool summer breeze
positioned in a circle with some friends
talking about shenanigans and red necks

a warmth overcomes the wind
it overcomes me

in there, we find the simplicity of
hanging out

cottage cheese

Saturday, July 5, 2008


is so good
will, go check them out
they have a shins remix
i think it might tickle your fancy

light up the sky for me

the sky is lit up
sparks and flares
glory and splendour
it lights up our eyes
i can see it

i couldn't see it

i had no idea

green eyes, green eyes

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

i played mutey the mailman. i was good.

i have a lot of free time at work


verse, chorus, verse, chorus, bridge, chorus
i can only take so much
an album with every single song following the same formula
i can only swallow so much
this chorus sounds good, let's do it again
it's so good that we should repeat it four times in one song
this formula is so good that we should use it for an entire album
yes, that sounds like a splendid idea
i can only consume so much
before i explode
and mainstream music is splattered across the floor and the walls
my car antenna rarely sees sunlight
the words "music" and "television" in the same sentence mean nothing to me
for now, i will stay in the
city and colour
my world with acoustic guitars and harmonicas
i will announce to the world that
someone still loves you, boris yeltsin
i will call for a
death cab
just for cutie
if you need to reach me
i will be in
portugal. the man
knows how to write

it's a circus

gather round, gather round
ladies and gentlemen
boys and girls of all ages
come and observe the elephant man
gaze and wonder at the oriental acrobats
witness the world's strongest man
see the cliques, the lies, the social standard
obsess over celebrities and what they're eating, buying, wearing
spectate the teenagers with drug addictions, suicidal tendencies, broken homes
watch in horror as the world collapses
this is our generation
don't adopt
don't accept
don't embrace
come along as we explore the spine-chilling mystery of being LOST
and the miracle of
being FOUND