confession

Teaching about Love for Enemies

43 "You have heard the law that says, `Love your neighbor's and hate your enemy.44 But I say, love your enemies!s Pray for those who persecute you!45 In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike.46 If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much.47 If you are kind only to your friends,s how are you different from anyone else? Even pagans do that.48 But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect.

matthew 5

last night, the Holy Spirit convicted me and pushed down on me. it was a good thing. i was telling a friend how i was feeling distant and far from the group and how i feel kind of left out and "out of the loop." and of course, God would address that right after i finish talking about it! we were learning about humility. we were learning about how to seek the lowest status seat in the house at the party. for me, i was seeking the seat of highest honor. i've been thinking of myself as an important person. and i've been feeling as though nobody reaches out to me when i need it the most. last night was kind of a wake up call to how i've been feeling lately. "get over yourself, thien!" my savior, my God, my Jesus lowered Himself to the level of a servant to serve me. He didn't grasp at any of the rights and power that He had because of His Godliness but put it aside so that i could have a relationship with Him! what have i been doing?? i've been too proud to ask people where they were going to eat or even if they wanted to hang out with me. i didn't want to seem like some desperate loser when in all actuality, i am! i was thinking subconsciously, "i'm too good for that. i don't need to ask people to hang out with me. they should come to me!" looking back, i'm just like, "thien, get off your high horse. what a jerk!" i have a lot of people i need to apologize to. and the first person is God. i've lost the freedom of forgiveness. not so much others forgiving me but from me forgiving others. letting go of whatever was hanging over me. there's a freedom to letting the past go. i don't know what happened to my humility but i'm on a mission to get it back. and i can only do so through the Holy Spirit who guides me. this has been my prayer, "all glory, honor, power is Yours, amen."

alright, so onto loving our enemies. i think this speaks right into my situation right now as well. man, i've only been seeking people who are outside of church to talk to. i've even kind of isolated myself from a lot of them and i truly apologize for that. not that they're my enemies, but i treat them like it. i've been feeling like, since they're not helping me in my spiritual walk and journey with God, continually encouraging me and praying for me, i shouldn't hang out with them as much because they're a drain on my spiritual life. man, that was hard to type. and because i've been slowly distancing myself from them, i find bitterness and resentment taking place in my heart a lot easier. but i'm supposed to be perfect the way my Father is perfect. what Jesus means by this is, simply try your best to be like your Father, because He knows what's best. i haven't been praying for this church. i haven't been praying for the people lately. God's brought me to my knees, and i need to ask for forgiveness for just how off my heart has been. my heart needs a tune up. to be set straight. i need to pray that to the Holy Spirit to give me boldness and strength to do what i need to do. to set myself free from this hole that i've dug myself into. i need to fix my eyes on Him again.