remembering desperation

Jesus Heals in Response to Faith

18 As Jesus was saying this, the leader of a synagogue came and knelt before him. "My daughter has just died," he said, "but you can bring her back to life again if you just come and lay your hand on her."
19 So Jesus and his disciples got up and went with him.20 Just then a woman who had suffered for twelve years with constant bleeding came up behind him. She touched the fringe of his robe,21 for she thought, "If I can just touch his robe, I will be healed."
22 Jesus turned around, and when he saw her he said,"Daughter, be encouraged! Your faith has made you well."And the woman was healed at that moment.
23 When Jesus arrived at the official's home, he saw the noisy crowd and heard the funeral music.24 "Get out!" he told them. "The girl isn't dead; she's only asleep." But the crowd laughed at him.25 After the crowd was put outside, however, Jesus went in and took the girl by the hand, and she stood up!26 The report of this miracle swept through the entire countryside.

matthew 9

the woman who was hemorrhaging for 12 years. man, i've read or heard about this story so many times that i'm just desensitized to it. i don't see the starkness and beauty of it the way that a new believer could. i don't see the miraculous healing and the life changing things that Jesus did for people. 12 years. 12 years of blood flowing from this woman. 12 years of rejection because of being ritually unclean. 12 years of not being able to go worship at the synagogue. 12 years of probably being passed up by any possible mate because of the ordeal she was going through. 12 years of not finding any solution. 12 years of brokenness, pain, and suffering. all for this moment. she has nothing to lose. she's tried everything. her only hope is Jesus. there's nowhere else she can go. she thinks to herself, "if i can just touch Him, i'll be healed!" wow. what faith. Jesus knew it, too. it's exactly what Jesus was looking for. it's exactly what Jesus is looking for. the purity of desperation.

i've talked about this before. but it's an amazing reminder of what type of heart Jesus is looking for. He wants people who are truly desperate for Him, people who have no other options, people who aren't just going to pass up on Him when something else comes up. He wants people who know that He's they're only hope. He wants true followers who aren't wishy-washy with their faith, people who put all their bets on Him, all their stock in Him. i have to admit that sometimes, or most of the time, i'm anything but desperate for Jesus. sometimes, i'd rather be watching tv, playing video games, editing photos than spending time with Him. i have ALTERNATIVES to spending time with Jesus. He's not my everything. He's not the center. honestly, the times when i feel desperate for Him is when i'm broken and the world falls down around me and i'm reminded that there's nothing that stands after life comes crushing everything in its path except Jesus, my rock. that's when i'm reminded of my desperation. my heart goes into reset and my perspective is back to where it should be. remembering that everything falls down, crumbles, decays in the end and the only One who stands is Jesus. i remember that i realistically don't have anything, i can't save anything, i can't keep anything. the only thing i can keep is Jesus. and He's above and beyond anything that i could invest in in this life.