trust

so i have a job. i am working with kids with different types of disabilities and mainly autism. i really admire what the company does for the families from coming alongside the kids and the parents to giving them the tools and education that they need to be able to give the kids the best life that they can offer. but as i'm working here, God's slowly reaffirming my giftings and where He wants me to go. i am praying about getting my master's degree in counseling again and being faithful to my calling in that. it's just the type of person i am. 

i love being able to listen to people and help them through what their life situation is at the time. i love being able to help people discover new things about themselves and why they do what they do. i love being able to discover new things about myself in the process as well. i want to be able to walk with people through their journeys and change their outlook on the future as well as use their past to shape them into a better person today.

i feel like for the time being though, i need to remain faithful to what's been put in front of me. i get so antsy and anxious and want to move on so quickly. even when i know that it's not a good idea. i know that i need to stay here for as long as it takes. for as long as He wants me to be here at this company and serve the families well. 

He wants me to look to Him for guidance and strength. He wants me to depend on Him. He wants me to stop comparing myself to other people. 

I'm glad i got this chance to be able to work in this incredible field. i'm still learning. i'm still making mistakes. i was talking to good friend just yesterday about how in some cultures, you weren't considered a man until you were 30. i know not everybody agrees with that haha. but in a certain sense, i still feel like a teenager. just trying things out and making mistakes and learning from them. letting God continue to flesh things out in my heart. disciplining me and developing me. i'm glad i'm still discovering what my giftings are and how to develop them. i keep expecting so much out of myself to be perfect at things that i went to school for but i haven't had enough experience to be an "expert."

i need to stop taking myself so seriously. i need to stop worrying so much and hashing out all the different scenarios of what could happen. i need to trust God. i need to know that He is my joy and Good News. i need to remember that my mission on this earth isn't to be "successful" or to make a lot of money. it's to let everyone know about Jesus and the peace that He's given me. yes, i want to be responsible and take care of my family well. but the best way for me to do that is to be able to love Jesus and let my wife and kids know that i'm there for them emotionally and financially. to be able to make enough to be able to provide a home and food but at the same time, be in the home with them. 

i don't want to get so caught up with taking care of my family that i don't take care of them. if that makes any sense haha. i was given the blessing to be able to be raised by two amazing immigrant parents. a humble background and growing up in a low income home. and i had one of the best childhoods that a kid could ask for. i had loving parents and family and a roof over my head and food in my belly. that's what i want to give my kids. not only that, i had parents who loved the Lord enough to instill His love in me and that's what i want to pass on to my kids. =]

God, help me to trust you. with the future. with money. with everything. help me to trust you so i don't have to worry so much. so i can focus on loving people well and not focus so much on the green. =] i love you, Lord. you're so good to me. my life is Yours forever and ever.