Day 1

Rid me of myself, I belong to You. I've been praying these words over and over in the past 24 hours. It's been a battle. A painful and eye-opening one. Almost everything that I thought I was doing for God had an ulterior motive that would benefit me. Or any time that I would start trying to think of how I could best serve God, the focus would then turn to me. I've been letting God slowly peel away from me all the lies that I have to put myself first before anything and anyone. Because if I have Jesus, I already have everything that I need! So many half-truths about taking care of myself, worrying about the future, worrying about what people think of me, elevating things that just do not deserve that level of importance in my life.

I've also been drawn back to very basic songs and prayers. Purify my heart, make me as gold, pure gold. Make me white as snow and I will be made whole. Repentance and all-out attack against the lies in my heart have been going on inside of me. Adoration and gratefulness to the Father consume me. Remembrance of how much He loves me and chases after me, forgives me and takes me in, even after all of the running, cowardice, and lying.

God is so good. What could I say? What could I do? But offer this heart completely to Him? In response to the cross and the salvation that I've been given, I want to give everything, everything, everything back. Nothing is mine, and I don't need anything other than Him anymore. My selfishness and pride would tell me otherwise but it's just not the truth. I need to feast on His Word. Be with the Holy Spirit. Be strengthened by Him and Him alone. Sure, other things help, but He is my true source of strength.

This is a broken and desperate man's journal. God, come and fill me up with Your love. Help me to love like You. To point people to You. Use me mightily for Your kingdom. Consume me. Let everything that I am be for Your glory. Jesus, I love you so much. 

And I'm not done yet. One more day to go. I don't know what else God is going to reveal to me. But I'm excited to find out.