identity

thank God for identity. even if all this time, i was pretending to be someone else and i didn't know who the real "me" was anymore, i would know that God wants to change that person to be more like Him anyway. my identity. my name. my heart. my life. is found in Jesus. it's not what i've earned for myself. it's not the personality traits that i choose to portray to other people. it's Jesus living in me, transforming me, taking my hand and pulling me along, making me into someone that resembles Him. that's who i want to be. that's who i strive to be. so that when people look at me, they don't see me anymore, but they see Christ in me.

how do i know that it's Him that's transforming me and not my own will? well, in order for Him to make me more and more like Him, He makes me do a bunch of things i never want to do. going out of my comfort zone. risking rejection. risking humiliation. risking status. is it for me? no. i don't think i do these things so i look better. or so that any benefit would come to me. but that people would see me and give praise to God. it's all for Him. i don't want any of the credit. that's how i know that it's Him that's transforming me. i know i'm a selfish person. i'm self-seeking. i want fame. i want glory. i want all the appreciation and recognition and praise that i deserve for doing things well. but for me to deny that for myself and give all that and point all of it back to God shows that it can't be me. i want to give God the credit He deserves for all that He's done for me.

my life is His and His alone. i give up the right to run my life to earn the privilege to have my life run by God. =]