His plans over mine

i've been making plans for a long time. i've gotten used to making plans and then doing everything in my power to make them happen. when i make these plans, most of the time, i leave God out of the decision-making process. these past couple of years, the majority of my plans have been sourced from my own thinking and feelings. not made in prayer with people who love me and care about me. as a result, i now have fractured plans that i'm not passionate about anymore because they were rooted in my fleeting feelings at the time.

whether it was to invest in a certain church, pursue a certain career path, or invest in a certain friendship, it was rooted in my own thoughts of what was best. i didn't do a lot of prayerful considering. and i didn't do a lot of decision-making that was made in community with wisdom from people around me and people who are way wiser than i am. 

and now there i was, a couple weeks ago, my plans shattered and blown to pieces because my heart wanted to change directions and make new plans. i was lost, confused, scattered. turning left and right, back and forth, all over the place trying to figure out the best way to go. but i was still trying to figure everything out by myself. i didn't ask God to show me where to go, i didn't ask Him to send me people to lead me, and i didn't ask anybody about it. i just made the decisions on my own.

after all of that, i made a mess of my life. turning away from responsibilities, becoming inconsistent, doing things for the wrong reasons. i realized again that i didn't know what the heck i was doing and i was tired of making these decisions all on my own. and i needed someone to help me. so i turned to someone who called me out on my fickleness and for following my own desires. someone who i was angry at the time but i'm so glad i ended up talking to you.

he got me to center my life around Jesus again. to ask Him where i should go. he gave me tough wisdom but things that i needed to hear to set my life back on track. i needed to humbly lay down my plans and take up God's again.

when God is in the center of my life, my path is so much more clear, in a sense. i'm not tossed to and fro any longer, not having trajectory changes because of how my heart feels that week. my path is set because of God. if that's where He wants me to be at the time, then i will be there gladly even if i don't see why He has me there. my heart won't simply say, "man, things aren't working out. i should get out of here and try something else." centering my heart on Jesus, i can say, "man, things aren't working out. but this is where God wants me to be right now and i'm going to serve faithfully and keep my eyes on Him!" 

and even after realizing all of this, i started doing the same thing again, but very subtly. i was thinking that if i go to a certain church, i can take things back to somewhere else. and that's what i wanted to do. but was that what God wanted me to do? i was planning on staying for a year and then going back. is that what God's plan for me is? what if He takes me somewhere and has me there for another 5 years? who am i to say where i will be? or where He will lead me next? 

my job is to simply remain faithful and keep my eyes on Him. and in that, i find peace. in the uncertainty, i'm pushed into God's arms and i find more peace than i could in making my own plans. because my plans could always fall apart but i will always be in His arms. =]

i read this verse in james 4 this morning, "look here, you who say, 'today or tomorrow we are going to a certain town and will stay there a year. we will do business there and make a profit.' how do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? your life is like the morning fog - it's here a little while, then it's gone. what you ought to say is, 'if the Lord wants us to, we will live and do this or that.'"

so that's what i want to say now. if the Lord wants us to, we will live and do this or that. wherever He leads, i will follow faithfully. until He calls me elsewhere, until i've thoroughly talked it through with Him, until i've talked and prayed it out in community and with leadership, i will remain faithful to where He's called me. this is my commitment. 

help me, Lord. let me keep my eyes on You. let me trust my leaders and my community. You have given them authority to speak into my life and i will humbly listen and take what they say to heart. i trust You, Lord. Your will be done in my life. Your plans over mine. You know what's best. Use me to share Your love!